Lent Day 30 - Every Breaking Wave

There is a knowledge and wisdom that only art can speak into and teach us. I have a crucial need for the poets, painters, storytellers and singer/songwriters. They have a cunning way to drop below my mental/rational defenses and enter into the backdoor of my heart. Their wisdom is often disguised as an entertaining guest that ends up being a wise sage, speaking from the native tongue of the heart. For me, music has often introduced my to the native language of my heart.

I've found myself the last couple days singing "Every Breaking Wave" by U2. The song has seemed to come spontaneously and without permission. The chorus has really struck a deeper nerve in me that I couldn't quite place my finger on or understand. So, today I just tried to listen with my heart. It wrecked me. It snuck in the backdoor, dropped its wisdom and sat there.

"If you go,
If you go your way and I go mine.
Are we so,
Are we so helpless against the tide.
Baby, every dog on the street
Knows that we're in love with defeat.
Are we ready to be swept off our feet,
And stop chasing every breaking wave."

As I listened to the melodic groans of Bono tears started rolling down my cheeks. I felt something buried, something far beneath my systems of denial. I felt the painful invitation and eventual need to let go. The picture that led me was a heartbreaking view of the loss of my daily relationship with my dad at 8 years old. The picture showed that when he left he went his way to chase every breaking wave of his addiction. He was in love with defeat and never learned to let go and let himself be swept off his feet for the life he was supposed to live.

I realized I continue his wave-chasing process in my own life. My need for more is just chasing every breaking wave. In wave-chasing I end up being way too comfortable with defeat. I felt God asking me if I'm ready to stop chasing every breaking wave in my life and allow myself to be swept off of my feet into a life of deep faith, risk and reLENTless TRUST. Today, the Lighthouse's call to let go is terrifying, but I'm learning that chasing every breaking wave is too exhausting and I'm tired of being in love with the certainty of defeat. I'm moving towards a readiness to lose control and be swept off my feet.

Jesus, show me the way of "not my will, but your's be done!"