Lent Day 9 – Common Grace

The space in-between helps leads us to our senses. It has a way slowing us down to listen closely, and  eventually, keep going. The space in-between helps us connect with the deeper parts of ourselves and our souls. The space in-between, if we let it, is a place of amazing grace. When I’ve no more ambitions to pursue, deadlines to fret or people to impress the world slows down to its own pace, the pace of life. It is here that the miracles begin.

Let’s start with the heart. There is nothing I’ve done to earn, deserve or achieve my heart. It is simply there. Yet, my heart is what gives me life. It sends life-giving blood (water) throughout every part of my body carrying essential nutrients so that I can keep functioning. My heart will beat over 115,000 times today. Which means that something will be tangibly working on my behalf to sustain my life 115,000 today – just because. My lungs will function in such a way that I will take around 25,000 breaths today. Again, 25,000 occurrences of life producing activity on my behalf that I don’t even have to think about. Even more remarkable is the messaging happening in my brain. My brain in sustaining and making life and all its variables work together with over a billion neurotransmissions (messages) in over a trillion synapses (connections). This is happening every millisecond. Which means, every second my brain is capable of producing more life-producing messages and connections than there are countable stars in the Universe. Beyond the science, these functions are a constant and continual gift that I cannot make happen. They have been given to me.

These three functions; breath, water (blood) and word (messages) are the original creative forces that are alive within me. The same forces in which all of creation begins is still working within me. I am a part of a continuation of God’s original creative work just by living. This is an unbelievable and incredible reality that will happen whether I recognize it or not. It does not crave notoriety or recognition. It is a gift without strings. It only asks that I take responsibility for the gift and use it well. 

What these every day, taken-for-granted miracles let me know is God has created a Universe and bent the whole thing in our direction. He has bent it all for our living and my flourishing. He gives life and sustains life and will prove it thousands, millions, billions and trillions of times today. I can often sit around begging for super-natural grace, a big-time miracle. However, if I come to my senses, slow down and listen I can notice the overwhelming grace given in a single minute of life. This goodness that is embedded in the natural order of things is called common grace. It is anything, but common. It is miraculous. It is a gift, it is life. And, as long as I have the miracle of life, I can keep going. So, today I will trust the evidence of the common grace around me, and know that whatever I’m facing, God has bent life in my direction. “What shall we say then? If God (and His Universe of love) is for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 8:31) 

Lent Day 8 – The Space In-Between

I often wonder what Saturday was like. Not just any Saturday, but the Saturday between Good Friday and Easter Sunday. For those who went all in with Jesus it must have been pure hell. Their dreams, hopes and desires just got crucified, literally. I can only imagine that the despair was suffocating, the confusion overwhelming and the pain excruciating. What they thought was real was no longer real. What they thought was true was suddenly untrue. A dark world was all that was left. This is not to mention that they must have been terrified by being identified as a threat to the state, since their leader was executed as an infidel. There was no place for safety and comfort. To add to this hellish Saturday, it was the Sabbath. There was no activities to distract, no work to escape into. Busyness was not accessible. The space in between Friday and Sunday must have been an indescribable no-man’s-land.

The God-narrative is full of spaces in between. The space between the promise of a nation and people to Abraham and the actual formation of that nation and people. The space in between Moses exiling himself in the desert for 40 years and his return to lead the Hebrew liberation movement. Then there was another 40 year space in between leaving the oppression and slavery of Egypt and the occupation of the Promised Land. The space in between David being called to be a king and actually becoming king. The space between the Israelites being exiled into Babylon and the actual return back to their home. The space between the promise of a Messiah and the actual birth of the Messiah. I could go on and on. The point being that there is a LOT of space in between in the narrative of God. This helps me because there is a lot of space in between in my life. There is a lot of space and time spent in a no-man’s-land. It’s a very hard place to be. I’m not patient with the space in-between. I’m miserable with the time between an injury and the healing. I get anxious with the space between a request and an answer. The space in-between is not a pleasant experience. It is a place of discomfort and uncertainty. It is a place of waiting. Yet, it is where much of life is spent.

Once again, I return to Jesus intentionally entering into the space in-between. We are not given any details about the specifics of what actually happened in the 40 days Jesus spent in the wilderness. We just know he didn’t eat food. But, what actually happened in the details of the daily remains a mystery, hidden from the reader of the story. The specifics of these experiences are not left out by accident. They are also not left out of the narrative because they are inconsequential. They are left out because God does some of His best work in hidden and secret places of the soul. He works beneath the surface. Just because a farmer doesn’t see a sprout, doesn’t mean that a seed isn’t doing its most important work of establishing roots. It just can’t be seen. God works away from the spin cycles of the press or interpretations of intellectuals. He works in the depth. David, in his own space in-between gives us a glimpse as he is wrestling his own hurting soul. Psalm 42 says that, “deep calls to deep.” The hidden and secret places of in-between are the essential soils of ultimate growth and flourishing.

There are precious treasures to be discovered in the space in-between if we have faith to search for them. There is a strengthening of trust as we build expectancy. There is a growth of resiliency and resolve in the waiting. There is loving companionship for the journey. There is growing compassion for those around us. There are moments to eat, drink and be merry. There are moments to mourn and be with. There is life in the space in-between. And, as all great men and women of faith who have gone before us, the space in-between prepares us for the space we occupy when we arrive. So today, I will embrace the space in-between my fears and hopes, my dreams and my realizations, my sorrows and my joys, my waiting and my doing. I will embrace my space in-between.

Lent Day 7 – Stiff-Necked People

The Hebrew language tends to be much more agile than English. It has more agility because it has a lot less words. So those words need room for imagination and flexibility for the complexities of human communication. One example is the Hebrew language uses the word “neck” as a metaphor for “soul." Neck is the organizing entity that keeps it all together. The neck makes sure we remain a whole body, with all of its different parts, working together. It is at the center that keeps one part of the body from arrogantly declaring independence from another.  It draws a direct line between the head and the heart, giving and receiving in contestant life producing reciprocity. The head sends life giving messages to the rest of the body while the heart send life giving blood and oxygen to the brain. Like the neck in the body, it was understood that the “soul” was the very thing that held the “self” connected to the life-giving Creator and His creation. The term “soul” in Scripture refers to the center of human-being that keeps it connected to itself, and that which is bigger than itself. Soul refers to the life-giving center of our core that connects to the life-giving core of who God is. Eugene Peterson, in his book Christ Play in Ten Thousand Places, states, “Soul carries with it resonances of God-created, God-Sustained, and God-blessed. It is our most comprehensive term for designating the core of being of men and women” (pg.36). Soul is the place that we discover our true self in the life of the Creator.

One critically important distinction that Peterson makes is between the “self” and the “soul.” Self, left on its own, can create the dangerous illusion of disconnection and radical independence. The goal of self becomes self-sufficiency. The danger lies in what this independence “self” sufficiency produces. It produces a smaller, more myopic “me.” “I” am so much more than “me.” When it is all “I”, I become so self-obsessed which causes me to cave in on myself. Ironically, my self-obsession, driven by fear and control only isolates me and creates a smaller life. It is a life marked by anxiety, consumption and frustration. There is no room for the massive life of all “others.” 

This condition of self-obsession and self-consumption has a name. The Scripture calls it “stiff-necked.” In light of the Hebrew usage of neck, we can understand that term as being stiff-souled. A soul that has become tight, hardened and closed off. A soul that can no longer move or be moved. A soul that has become smaller, more darkened and increasingly lifeless. The Scripture is not kind to stiff-souled people. They are people without the openness to listen and humility for the abundant life outside of their tiny existence. They are people consumed with self-ideas, self-interests and self-protections. It describes them as cruel, rebellious, stubborn and hard. They are people who can neither give nor receive. They have become disconnected and lifeless.

Jesus asks, “What is it to gain the whole world, but lose your soul/self?” (Matt 16:26, Mark 8:36, Luke 9:25). My recovery from being a stiff-necked person is a movement into being open. I must learn to let go of my ideas of how the world should work, how people should behave and how God needs to do His job. I need humility to know that my”self” is not the highest being or the highest objective. Rather, there is a soul within me that is more “me” than anything else. It is the “me” that is deeply connected to all other creation and the Creator himself. As Peterson reminds me, “it is the core of being of men and women.” There is a mystery here I’m seeking to enter into. It’s a place where I can go beyond myself and deeper into connection with the Divine and the shared human experience. A place called the soul.

As I continue to journey into the wilderness of silence and solitude looking for my leader and guide (Jesus) who has gone before me, I find that I can slowly move beyond the darkness of self-obsession and into greater vulnerability, trust and connection. There is so much more life in the soul than the isolated self! It is there I find my “self” with less requests and less words. I can discover the “more” I’m looking for in a place of listening and receiving. The place where the soul opens up and enlarges. The last thing I need is more of “me.” I’m full of myself! I need something deeper, more eternal, more assured. I need something that is soulful and life giving. I seek the giver of life to fill and lift my soul.

Lent Day 6 – Slow, Listen and Keep Going

There is a deep wisdom in fragility. I have the incredible privilege of walking with people in recovering from life’s most painful moments. As a therapist who works with people recovering from life’s deepest struggles and traumas I hear many stories of horror and triumph. I’m allowed to enter into the most fragile places of people’s experiences. Hidden in the midst of life’s fragility emerges profound wisdom for those willing to honestly go through the process. A man shared with me today about his adult daughter’s life-long struggle with a potentially fatal heart condition. He and his family have lived with the painfully delicate reality of her potentially fatal condition for many years. I asked him what the experience of his daughter’s condition taught him. He replied, “It taught me to hold tightly to faith.” I asked him what helped him grip his faith and he replied, “it taught me to slow down, listen closely and keep going.” He talked about having to rely on slowing down time, taking each moment to listen to the voice of God and focus on the step in front of him. He said he had to listen more closely to hear the words of love and assurance in the midst of scary and uncertain circumstances. He was also reminded that he just needed to keep going. Throughout his life he has experienced tremendous loss and his courage to remain humble, open and keep going is both baffling and inspiring. I want to be more like him. I want to be able to slow down, listen closely and keep going.

The wisdom of this incredible man was a great reminder today. As I slowed down and listened I heard the old familiar voices of “more” calling me. They were all telling me to do more, grab more, achieve more and get further ahead. As I heard the tempting voices of more, I was reminded of the wisdom of fragility and moved into less. Less busyness, less stress, less distraction and less worry. As I slowed down into less I heard the still small voice telling me that I’m right where I need to be. I’m no further ahead and certainly not behind. I’m right on time and where I need to be in life. My life was unfolding as it needed to be, not always how I wanted it to be. I was powerfully reminded that the Author and Editor of my compelling story is still writing and composing. He is still planning my next sentence and needs me to slow down so I can listen to the story of “me” He is telling the world. Once I’m listening to the Author of my story and realize it’s still unfolding as a great story of love and life, I simply keep going. So today, I fix my eyes on the greatest story-teller of all time, Jesus. I listen to the story He is telling with my life. And, in the midst of the fears, frustrations and challenges, I keep going (Hebrews 12:1-3).  

Lent Day 5 – Coming to Your Senses

I’m surrounded by noise. I live in the middle of the Urban Jungle of Southern California. To makes the noise matters worse, I have a 5 year old and 2 year old boys. There is an abundance of active noise in the house. There are countless toys, running, yelling, wrestling, cartoons, bouncing balls, not to mention endless requests and incessant complaints. There is also the sweet noises of jibber jabber, laughter and snuggles. In my daily life outside the home there is the noise of the latest podcast, music or phone conversations (hands-free of course), clients, voicemails, emails and texts. My wife and I have the noise of our own plans, complaints, requests and deep conversations. Overall, there is a lot of noise. Some of it, very important noise. However, my life is very noisy.

In this season I’ve sought to take intentional time to step away from the noise into more silence. What I’ve discovered is that I have more incessant noise to deal with than the noises around me. It is the noise in my own head. The head-noise consists of the countless thoughts and voices telling me all the things I need to get done, all of the should’s and supposed to’s of the day. Some of the thoughts are attacking and painful reminders of where I’m not measuring up to my own standards. Some thoughts are reminding me of my faults and sins, or overall disappointments. Some thoughts are dreams, plans and to do lists. Some thoughts are just random chaos. Some are haunting thoughts of fear and insecurity. All of the thoughts, with the accompanying feelings create an immense amount of noise in me.

When I attempt to sit quietly and calm myself to listen I am truly amazed at all of the noisy interference. I see that the noise is a distraction from me, a distraction from my true condition. In working through the loud distractions in my head I find I get stuck and lost. I can’t seem to escape it. However, I’ve found I way through the noise. I find that I must “come to my senses” to get out of the noise. I mean “senses” literally. I need to stop and see, hear, smell, taste and most importantly, feel. It is when I’m able to engage my senses that I know where I am and who I am. I can connect to being a human-being on planet Earth. I can more clearly hear my worries, anxieties and needs. I can see where I’m off my path of my life. I can smell the stench of sin and taste the sweetness of grace. When I engage the human gift of my senses I know me, where I am and who I am a little more clearly. I can see what I need and return to the care-taker of my needs.

Jesus launches a famous story of a Father with two sons. The younger, rebellious son, tells the Father he is as good as dead to him. This son takes his inheritance and blows it on a life of indulgent debauchery. When the parties all ended and he was in utter ruins, this younger son was feeding pigs and envying the swine food. Jesus says, the younger son “came to his senses.” Once the son heard, saw, smelled, tasted and felt where he was and who he had become he decided to go home to his father and beg forgiveness and get out of his mess. The story tells of an amazing reaction of the father. When the father sees the son a long way off he runs to him, embraces him, restores him and celebrates him. The father later exclaims to the older brother that the celebration was necessary because his younger brother was lost and now he is found! Coming to my senses is not easy. I don’t always like what I find. But, coming to my senses helps remind me that I have a home in my Father who forgives completely and loves tenaciously. He even celebrates me. The noise I desire to hear is the heartbeat of my Heavenly Father as he embraces my worn out body and tired soul. The noise I desire is the singing and dancing of joy and celebration of being found. If I have the courage to engage my senses they can lead me home to “Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound!”

Lent Day 4 – Fully Human

Being human can be a real pain in the ass. It can all get so overwhelming at times. Again, I come back to the overloaded life of bills, demands, obligations, the unruly expectations others or myself. This is not to mention, the demons of greed, envy, lust, vanity… (on and on) that I struggle with.  The assault of information and demands can feel like a Tsunami. So, where is my out? More mindless distraction or escapism?

 It is when I leave the “more” behind and move into obscurity that I see the difference between the distraction of busyness and the avoidance of me. I know why I avoid venturing out into the wilderness of obscurity. It is there that I have to face me. It is in the place of “alone” that I have to come to terms with the person of me. There is a lot I don’t like. There is a lot that seems scary. There is even unknown parts that I can’t always seem to quite “get.”

I’ve spent plenty of time getting to know the importance of loving myself, forgiving myself and being a little bit more kind to myself. I truly know and believe that treating myself with more respect, love and kindness is of critical importance. The only problem is I don’t know how to be kind to the evils that war against me. There can be a pervasive unsettled anxiety within me that I can’t seem to fully grasp. There is also real sin within me. I’m not talking about being a general or vague sinner with general or vague sin. That notion is too disingenuous and sterile. I’m talking about being a very specific sinner with very specific sin. As the noise and clutter of my life fade away, the cravings of my self-fulfillment or self-righteousness projects begin. The food I don’t want to eat, I devour. The thoughts I don’t want to think, I do. There are endless fantasies of wealth, influence or escapism that leave me empty or frustrated, I can’t help but indulge in the very things that hurt me. It is when the clutter stops that the solitude exposes all this mess within me. Sooner or later I have to start being honest with myself. Solitude helps me see clearly. Being a human can be hard. Being me can be hard.

Thankfully, I’m not alone. St Paul, in his letter to the Roman church (Chapter 7) describes this very dilemma. I’m grateful for his honesty. He admits that the sin he doesn’t want to do, he does. The very things he wants to do, he doesn’t. He’s caught in the trap of himself. He is in the struggle and the fight that he can’t escape. The struggle and fight against himself. This struggle is illuminated for the person who struggles with addiction. People like myself. We call it powerlessness. Paul says, “what a wretched person I am” and asks the all-important question, “where is my hope?”  Where do we go with this mess? What do we do with this wrestling match within?

Israel is our answer. Not the place or people of Israel, but the actual person. Before God named him Israel, his name was Jacob, which meant deceiver, liar or manipulator. He lived up to his name. He fought himself and other most of his life. He survived and got ahead through cheating and deceiving. Once all of the conniving plans had stopped working he had to face the reality of himself and his life, in a lonely place. The story tells us that he fell into a deep sleep and entered into a wrestling match.  After a long, long wrestling match in which he taps out, he makes a request, to be blessed. He wrestled God! In the end he was given a new name, Israel: one who wrestles with God, one who is conquered by God, one who surrenders to win.

Israel teaches me to stop wrestling myself and surrender to grace, surrender to the love and care of God in the person of Jesus. Once I stop the endless fight against myself and, in the fullness of truth turn the fight to God, He wins. He wins with grace and love. Truly, love never fails!
 It is there, with him, that He reminds me that I no longer have the cloud of condemnation over me. As St. Paul so dearly knew the end of his fight with himself was the beginning of God’s grace, “there is now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus” (Rom 8:1). When I stop avoiding and engage the fight the Word of Life that gives meaning to all other words lets me know that I’m forgiven, beloved and free to become fully human as intended. I’m free to be me. I just need to keep surrendering to win. So, I will seek to surrender my fears, my struggles and even my selfish ambitions. Most importantly, I will surrender my sin to the only one who can declare, there is now no condemnation. I will surrender to win!

Lent Day 3 – Out of Nothing

The grand Biblical narrative begins with God’s creative action. God makes. He’s both creative and creating. Simply put, God is an artist, builder and master craftsman. What does he make? He makes life, more life, teeming life, abundant life, flourishing life. He goes on with creating life, life and more life. Even the life he creates ends up creating more life. Isn’t that what I’m going for? Life! Isn’t that what we are all pursuing in the endless chasing of “more.” More life as we would like it. Life beyond just mere survival. Yet, there is a strange peculiarity in the story. God uses nothing to create! Before God created there was nothing.

“In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the water” (Gen 1:1-2, NIV). The canvas of God’s creative force was blank, dark, nothingness. The Spirit (breath of God) hovered over a dark formless ocean of nothingness. The classical Christian belief in this event is called Ex Nihilo. Ex Nihilo is Latin for “out of nothing.” He used His Spirit (same word for breath) and Word (St. John’s intro for Jesus) to make all things.

Right before Jesus moves into 40 days of obscurity (all alone) in the land of oblivion (wilderness). St. Luke (4:1) tells us that, “Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, left the Jordan and was led by the Spirit into the wilderness…” God is about to launch his re-creation project! He is looking to make everything new, to reconcile all things to back to himself. He was remaking a renewed man back into the original nature of Himself. Jesus tells us that he has come to give us life abundantly as John 10:10 tells us. He starts with an empty womb, an empty resume, an empty bank account and an empting experience in the wilderness. The crescendo of His new created life is revealed in an empty tomb. Out of nothing God re-creates us into people of life!

Today I am challenged to empty myself and leave behind all my self-importance, my electronic obsessions, my fantasy-making day dreams and enter into the blank canvas of God. To bring my formless, empty heart and soul before the God of all Creation and allow His Spirit and Word to build, make and create life in me. Life, Life and more Life! All out of my nothing! This is what it means to enter into the Kingdom, to be born again into a new kind of life and living.